Harumph--humans. Just how the heck do they expect me to react with their silly body language so out of kilter they don't understand themselves. Just for an hour, just one little hour, could I get into their heads. So few of them understand their own body language.
Take for instance that stupid looking protuberance on the wall in the kitchen. Ya know--the one with the long curly, usually knotted-up tail hanging down off of it, that for some unknown reason makes the most annoying ringing yelping noise? It's got siblings too. There's one in the bedroom and another in the utility room an yet another they sometimes carry around with them that's got a docked tail. It's really got an obnoxious noise!
I think it's name is "I'll Get It", cuz every time it starts yelping one or both of my owners start calling out--I'll get It.
It really makes me jealous too. They carry it around crooning to it. Caressing it in their hands and sometimes holding it between their shoulder an chin. They talk to it nice and sometimes they're mad at it. I don't know why they seem to love it. Once they pick it up it doesn't do anything else till the next time it wants attention.
I just don't get it. Ever since I've been a puppy my owners would rush to it's every beck and call. I'd get praise and encouragement from them as I followed along while they ambled over to "I'll Get It". Ya know.. "Oh good puppy, come on, that's a good girl."
I was really more interested in finding out what magical power this thing had that it could summon my owners from anywhere and command their immediate attention. This could be a very useful tool in training my owners in the Briard way.
Okay now. Stay with me on this because you need to understand the next part if you hope to understand the rest. Got it? Good!
Time. Yep it boils down to time, an Briards understand time. Time brings change both to us and to our human owners. Change for some reason is necessary, and it certainly has changed me.
First off, I've grown into a substantially sized young lady of intelligence grace and beauty. Don't take my word for just see the judge at the Mid Atlantic Regional Specialty for those qualifications. Size, uh huh. You bet. Lots of it and along with it new obstacles to be over come and avoided. This is especially true when "I'll Get It" starts it's noisy yelping.
Hey, it's not my fault! They start to clamoring after "I'll Get It" when she starts her yelping in such an agitated state that this just naturally gets my juices flowing. Know what I mean?
Rrring--rrrring. Off we go. Oops--hope Coleen wasn't too attached to that flower arrangement--uh oh, too late. George can find the sports section if it didn't get torn. Whoops, close call on the right. Gotta remember to shift into low gear navigating the transition from carpet to hardwood floors! Hheeey, nice scratches there. I knew these dew claws were working. Looks like Coleen needs a little assistance negotiating the last turn. What's a Goose? Gee, I prefer to think of it as directional guidance for those less gifted than a Briard! What does she mean I'm in a hurry, she's the one in front! Time to slam on the ol' skids, I got this down real good. See ya just kinda curl up your hind legs let the ol' keester drag just a bit and Wala, a perfect stop every time!
Humans are absolutely the worst engineers the creator has ever created. Why on earth would you design a table so short, put it in the middle of the Den, albeit it is handy for the placement of newspaper, magazines, and these things called nick knacks by my owner Coleen, but it impedes the movement of my stabilizing gear! That's my tail for you youngsters. Geez... you should see the mess sometimes.
When "I'll Get It " starts up, it's sure to be followed by a host of commands from both of my owners. Sit! Stay! No! Quiet! Yeah, just 'bout every one they know. This is not only confusing but totally in direct conflict with what their body is saying.
I really get concerned for their safety. I mean they are so consumed in appeasing "I'll Get It's" call, they just lose it. Uh huh. Coordination abandons them completely. You should see it! I mean the ol' man leaps from where ever he is perched, usually banging his shin on something, stepping on my chew toy, which proceeds to slip out from under him with a loud squeal where upon he does a dance akin to something I've seen at Indian reservations but with no where near the nimbleness. Oh and Coleen is no better. Yeah. Ya ever seen a human launched from a Lazy Boy backwards, recover in mid air only to stumble over a 10 yr old deaf Kerry Blue who now raises his voice to my level of concern. Man She actually speaks in a foreign tongue interspersed with commands to both of us. With all this going on wouldn't you be just a little concerned! Whew.
Yeah, time. Well, it's changing me. I'm getting tired of all the commotion. Less inclined to get so emotionally involved. But, wow, the body language they exhibit is very powerful even if they're not attuned to it. If only they could be as calm when "I'll Get It" starts yelping as they are when they pick her up, it would certainly make my life easier.
In the mean time I'll just keep trying to train them in the Briard way and hope they pick up on my cues. Ya know--a little bit aloof, a little woof uttered with just the right amount of disdain for the ordinary and calmly get up. Stretch the bod and saunter over to investigate "I'll Get It's" problem. Yeah--it's 'bout time for them to learn that!